I’m really very sorry to hear it. 
IMO nobody should be trading with actual money unless and until they have statistically significant proof from demo trading that they can do so without much risk of losing money. Unfortunately, that requires first learning how to judge that reliably, a process which very many people find so difficult that they try to circumvent or avoid it. 
I’m really very sorry to hear that, too. I know it won’t be what you want to hear, but I really think it’s an extremely misguided approach and one that will hinder you greatly. This recent post more-or-less explains why … (the link at the end of it is really worth following and studying) … 