I’ve been thinking about the idea of profitability. It would be great. But I was thinking about how I would really feel if I were actually profitable.
Just imagine I did a wreckless trade. 100% of my account on one trade, and the next morning I wake up to my account 200x.
I would actually feel scared. We’ve all had the ¨what would you do with X amount of money?¨ conversation.
My thing is that when I really think about it, it would scare me. I’ve had so many losses in my life, that I’ve grown accustom to losing. I’ve grown so accustom to it that I wouldn’t know what to do if I actually won.
So many great opportunities have slipped thru my fingers because of my own blunders. I have friends that have never had the opportunities that I’ve had. And if they did have them, they would have taken advantage and done a great job.
Perhaps, there’s a small part of me that’s self sabotaging. If I saw a signal that was a guarantee win, I’d actually be scared to take it. I might be in such disbelief that I’d sell instead of buy.
I’m not very happy at the moment. Sure, I’m grateful for a lot of things. But given all my opportunities, my life could have been so much different. Over the past 5 or 6 years, I’ve blundered very nice opportunities. And because of that, instead of advancing, I just fell backwards.
And that’s kind of where I’ve always been my entire adult life: at the bottom. When I say bottom I mean the lowest level expectations. I’m not talking about drug abuse or homeless. I’m saying for someone who has had my opportunities, I’m at the bottom. And the only time I’ve done better was when someone was supporting me.
Then when circumstances change, and that person is no longer supporting me, I fall right back to the bottom.
So, let’s say in one trade if I were able to change everything in my life…it would terrify me.
If you’ve been losing for so long, it becomes your comfort zone. This is when success is scarier than failure.
And you even become indifferent. You don’t wanna face the new world of victory, nor do you want to stay in that hole. And that’s the dilemna.
But the answer comes to you when you close your eyes and dream. What life do I imagine for myself? Then that’s the life I should strive for.
When you have that kind of fear, you have to face it. Sure, facing this new world could suck. But it doesn’t suck as much as staying at the bottom with no options.
At least work and create the option for yourself. You don’t have to take it. But just create the option. You don’t have to change your lifestyle, but just create the option. I think it’ll help close some of those bleeding emotional wounds on the inside. The scars will remain. Nothing can be done about that.
But just be willing to accept a victory and the possibility of feeling just a little better about yourself.