Developing trading when others disapprove

Lol… Yeah, just don’t ask me to help you to make a lesson plan haha…

Hope those books will help you a bit… Have fun!

PipNRoll,

lesson plans? What are those? :stuck_out_tongue: Don’t mention lesson plans :S
I do not type my lesson plans - I have a scheme of work for each week but individual lessons are sketched on a small sheet closer to the lesson time… I also keep a lesson diary, where I write what was good or not so good about each lesson, what was taught, etc.
Like a Forex diary, it is very useful to review what worked and what did not…
The Kathy Lien book was very good… I think that will do me for a while…
F x

Okay, I won’t mention it again lol…
Journal/ diary will help you too to evaluate what you did wrong and what you did right. Just don’t start it with “Dear Diary” and ending it with " Lovingly Yours Forex Rookie" lol

When you are done with that book… Pick out the " Millionaire Trader" by Kathy Lein. I like this one the most because she interviewed regular folks like us who were successful in trading as well. I just like real people success stories so you will get inspired by it…Btw, have you sign up the email newsletter from them? I will if I were you just to keep you update too via email…

Hello traders,

well, it has been a while since I told my girlfriend about my trading, as you can see from the date on the thread…

Things are going fine, and I am now trading with a live account (two, actually), and making profits… I stopped doing

the kind of ‘system’ trading that you saw in my ‘Seven Majors’ and ‘Forex Four’ threads, because it was a drag on

my private life… mornings were taken up by this when I wanted to make love to my girlfriend instead…

Yesterday, however, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about life, jobs, etc. and she said that she still

sees Forex as ‘an intellectual form of gambling’… I cannot blame her for thinking like this, because of course there

is an element of trying to ‘gamble’ on whether a particular trade will go your way or not… I made my point that

I see this as a growing business, which unfortunately does not pay for a living yet: the fact that I am spending so

much of my spare time on this is not immediately rewarded by great financial gains, but it is time that is slowly

paying off. At the end of the day, I love her very much and she knows that what matters is that I do something

that is not going to have a negative impact on my life (e.g. taking all of my spare time, or giving me little opportunity

to develop in my main career in music)…

These are difficult and real choices that we seldom hear about, but I am sure that all of us here will have to make…

While I will continue with Forex trading, I know that it will be put to the test again because life can throw things at

you where you may eventually have to re-think your priorities. My priority is to be fulfilled in my music career and

trading is an add-on, so until I can manage both, I will… Until then, I will continue to invest in it, as though it were

a small (very small) part-time job… When I sum all the hours I spent on Forex, training as well as trading, I think

about all the other things I could have done with that time… Was it worth it? Absolutely: not for the money, but

for the focus it has given me… The only downside is that it has been a bit of a secret and something that has nothing

to do with my day job, so I have not been able to fully embrace it, and for the amount of focus I have had on Forex,

I found it often frustrating being unable to share my happiness or personal achievements in becoming a better trader

  • my only confirmation and self-belief came (and still comes) from the positive P/L at the end of the month…

Thank you for listening: now it is your turn to share, if you wish!

Happy trading.

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend’s view on Forex; however she’s not wrong, for the majority 95% of traders, it is gambling. But, with the right amount of training and studying, forex can become a consistent money maker… But will require a lot, and a lot, and a lot of time.

I was actually going to become a music major too, did some time at manhattan school of music. Just like music, forex trading isn’t going to come along easy. You need the muscle memory of your choice of instrument ( training your eyes to see certain patterns and formations) and atleast have a basic fundamental of music theory ( macro economics) to become a great musician.

Go for whatever feels right. But if you have a positive P/L, sounds like you’re on the right path :wink:

Hello New York Kevin!

Thank you for the positive feedback! I agree, it takes time, just like being a musician… There was a

thread on the forums about the difference between ‘trading’ and ‘gambling’ (real or semantic?)…

In the end, it is a lot to do with perception in the eye of the beholder…

What instrument were you studying, Kevin?

Jazz guitar.

What do you teach?

Fantastic! Are you still involved in music?

I teach a number of things… Violin privately, but composition, performance, theory, and various units

at the college…

It’s been 2 years. I still pick up my guitar once in a while. I’m a boring finance major now; haha

If she has seen your dedication and you have showed her some decent and consistent positive results (even demo) and showed her the potential forex has and she STILL doesn’t support you, I don’t know what else to say except, how can you be with someone who wont support you, after all that? That tells you a lot about the person and your relationship. At that point I think it could be a case of the “crabs in the bucket”…one person may not want to see the other succeed and pulls them back down. It’s more of a deep psychological thing where they may be subconsciously fearing that you become very successful and potentially leave them and this is a lot more common with friends and family than people realize - most people don’t realize its happening to them and the people doing it won’t realize they’re doing it to someone in their family.

To paraphrase Mark Cuban: "I was so dedicated to my business that one of my now ex girlfriends once said to me, ‘It’s me or your business.’ and I said to her “what was your name again?”

If it wasn’t forex and it was some other brick and mortar business for example…would she be there to support you when that fails? Trading is a business…I don’t see a difference. Losses on a live account will be your tuition and your business overhead…the cost of doing business.

Dear MissionControl,

like always, when internet conversations take place between strangers, it is difficult to convey everything

at once…

Love is not a simple matter of formulae, black-and-white certainties, other than our own personal experience

of it: nobody’s love journey with a partner is ever the same as anybody else’s… Take the trust factor: it

is built through time… From mad infatuation through life-long partners: what helps the transition? Love

needs trust…

My girlfriend is not one to dump because she disapproves of Forex: and if she disapproves of it less, it is

something that really makes me feel better. I have been moody when a bad trading day has come my way,

so of course she worries that it will affect my own happiness…

My girlfriend’s altruistic nature is one that I cherish and one that I match with mine: I would not dream of

continuing with Forex if it harmed this relationship…

Thankfully, it is not a big issue anymore… I am more open about my trading (I do not have to hide it) and

I found ways to make it less intrusive, taking less time away from our mornings and evenings… If I have

a specific event, e.g. Non Farm Payrolls, when I am home with my girlfriend, I may ask her if I can 'do my

own thing’, which is like a code word for Forex… She has been very accepting, and I have been equally

accepting of her hobbies, so we are a good team…

Anyway, like with any love relationship, it is difficult to ‘sell’ it to other people, over a description on a

forum… If you saw us in real life, and the way we exist for each other, how closely we feel things and

how we are attached to the skin, you would see that love is right here, with us, within us…

Are you in a relationship… and if so, does your partner have any opinion of trading, traders, the financial

markets, and of your taking part in it?

Cheers!

Yea…she’s 100% supportive of me, even on losing days. She’s proud of the time/effort/dedication that I’ve put into it and understands what it’s about. She does not consider what I do as gambling. Aside from it obviously just being my opinion, my previous post was to throw that possibility out there (crab in the bucket) as a “perspective from outside of the box”.

After re-reading a few of your posts in this thread now, 1) I now realized this is an old thread - but I just saw it posted on twitter by forexgump i think) 2) I’m reflecting on and realizing just how different my life is from yours…I’m coming from the perspective of: Forex/trading is my only and chosen career/endeavor; it is what I completely resonate with and it’s either get on board or get out of the way. Things/circumstances/people only add or subtract to your life…if it’s not helping, it’s usually hurting. Perhaps this may be the reason why she is supportive because there’s no other option? I have been self employed before and the support has remained a constant but for trading, if there could be any change, only time will tell as Im slowly only nearing the 2 year mark. But this isn’t about me…it’s about you lol :slight_smile: …and your partner’s opinion of forex being gambling and thus not supporting you as much as you would like.

Everything in life is a gamble…Driving, riding your bike in urban areas, crossing a busy street…Being employed by a large corporation is a gamble - you could spend decades at one company thinking you’re building your career towards retirement but you have possibly 100’s of people higher up on the ladder who can make decisions on whether your position is needed anymore, let alone your whole department and thus your retirement pension. All your eggs are in one basket with one source of income and when it’s cut, it’s gone for good and you start all over at a new company. That is a true gamble to me…long term.

When you open a business, you have multiple sources of possibly repeating income but it can also still be seen as a gamble… what’s the stat on new small business success/failure rate now? Something like “90% of new small businesses fail in the first 5 years”? If you have a business and you invest in new equipment, new location, new services or new hires, it is a gamble. You don’t know if it will help or hinder you, and by how much; you can only calculate and speculate and work towards what you hope will be the best result. Any business/career has it’s ups and downs and takes time investment to manifest anything worthwhile and that’s no different than trading.

I have thoroughly enjoyed reflecting on this topic, due to your questions. Thank you.

Thank you, MissionControl, for a very thoughtful post…

Goodnight to you!

I must go to sleep…

My gf awaits!

:slight_smile:

I feel you. I am newbie still trying to find my way in this game and one of the hardest things I have to deal with is the lack of support I get from family and friends. My saving grace in all of this is the over whelming support I get from my wife. When I look at my situation in retrospect, I realise hers is the only support I truly need. I truly believe that if you wish to make it in any career, you need the support of your partner and your partner needs that same support back from you. Relationships are teams, and you cant play for the same team if you not there to help each other every step of the way.

My advice is gain her support however improbable it may seem right now. My wife runs her own business and I support her whatever she decides, I believe in her 100%, people need that confidence to move forward and they especially need it from their partners. So maybe start by showing her your support for her life path, and maybe she will start to realise how valuable it truly is.

Great thoughts, Shalom, you are very wise, and also fortunate (as am I).

I am sure that my girlfriend and I will see this through together, as a team/couple…

:slight_smile:

IMHO, Your girlfriend (or everybody else close to you) will see your dedication to Forex as a joke until you start making some serious money. After that, probably you won’t have to talk about Forex, they will ask you how you do it, maybe they will try to join you or take some part of your cake, that’s the hard truth of everything in life, most when it comes to uncommon professions like this one, take examples from sports, if you’re an average player on whatever field its a joke or a hobbie, but if you get paid big you’re a rockstar, so everything comes down to how much money you make and not what you actually do.

Also, cool down about the gambling thing, I’ve learned everybody has a definition of gambling and arguing about it is just a waste of time, it comes down to the same point, it doesn’t matter if you’re a gambler or not, all that matters ([B]for people[/B]) is if you are making money.

Just my 2 cents, srry that I don’t know any advice on how to deal with your gf or people close to you, but the ugly truth about human nature may be helpful.

Hi FX4Sure!

Yes, you are right!

One of my dear friends from my younger days had recently given up his brass band playing because,

with two small children in tow, he just could not justify to himself (and to his family) spending so much

time on practising for playing in a brass band which, in spite of being up there with the best in England,

was after all an amateur ensemble, meaning that nobody got paid for their effort… Thankfully the world

does not revolve solely around money - think of how entire sections of society would collapse, were it

not for the effort of volunteers and their altruism… In the case of my friend, though, it was not a case

that money would have made it better, because it was just time he could no longer spend on this… In

my case, however, there is quite a difference, because while his wife and friends could attend a concert

and watch him in his lovely uniform making beautiful harmonies with his cornet in the band, there is no

satisfaction for my girlfriend when I trade OTHER THAN ITS MONETARY VALUE: therefore, as you say,

until it will make a difference to our daily lives, it will seem like a pointless ‘hobby’…

I know (and you know) that under-capitalisation of newbie accounts, such as mine, often means that

the ‘building it up’ meets serious resistance, and there are countless victims of greed, impatience,

and overleveraging… Precisely the need to prove ourselves to the world, as newbie traders, and to

seek approval from our nearest and dearest (and from the trading community at large), is what often

kills our trading, and our ‘building it up’ may sooner turn to serious trading mistakes that can cost

our small accounts some serious money…

Cheers x

if we can get a trader who can guide us. it is the best way. now if we do not have any one we can make more money by oursefl . we learn from all sources

Hello everyone!

An old thread of mine, this one, but I thought I would give a quick update…

After my debacle (see my ‘5000th post’ thread), I decided to do some paper trading

and I have been through all my trades in the last three weeks, which is done manually

with all the account printouts in front of me, a pen, etc.

Now, as this could not be done subtly, I decided to tell my partner about what I was doing,

and why: she expressed concern about me wasting time on something like this when it could

be spent bettering myself, given that my financial position, as a self-employed person is not so

secure; furthermore, I have no capital, so I should probably leave all this research into trading

until I had come by or accumulated enough capital that needed to be invested.

I am in two minds about this, because after looking at coding strategies, at the time cost involved

in learning all this from scratch, and at the fact that it would be very rare for anyone to want to invest

in me (as my track record is shocking), it seems that my pursuit of trading is rather an impossible dream

at present.

I am therefore wavering in my resolve to make it happen because:

  1. my financial situation means that I am not in the right frame of mind for trading without trying too hard

    (over-trading to make money more quickly);

  2. I am trying to pursue various options/leads for bettering myself and my career in music (including my business);

  3. I am trying to spend more time with my baby daughter, not less;

  4. I want to have more (not less) time to enjoy life, rather than glued in front of the screen.

With all that I love about pursuing the ultimate dream of finding a trading system that is fairly

low-maintenance but provides a small but fairly even equity on an initial capital, it feels like I

am investing too much time on something that provides zero returns in the immediate future and

has no guaranteed potential to provide any returns in the long term.

It is a hard situation and I am not sure that I have enough self-belief or factual evidence that would

justify my continued involvement in financial markets as a retail trader…

I may have to pull the plug… I am not sure…

It seems that I have too much to do in a day and trying to test strategies on a trading

account (or more than one) is too time-consuming if I wanted to do it justice…

I spent a lot of time building and maintaining my music business, so it requires little

maintenance now that it works well as a model, but that is after training first as a musician

since I was a little child and then adding a decade of teaching experience on top of that: I

am not sure that I am prepared to invest a decade (well, I already put in four years on

trading practice, so it would be six) to become profitable at the forex/stocks/equities(etc.) game,

so in effect I have to be realistic and admit that perhaps it should be best left at that.

I hear those of you who say

“Believe in your dreams, you are too negative/hard on yourself”,

and I partly agree that if one sets oneself up to fail, then it will be

a self-fulfilling prophecy; however, it is useful to do a reality check

and see what the ‘cost of doing business’ is in the realm of trading

financial instruments:

  1. Do I have access to sufficient capital (e.g. 10000)?

  2. Do I have time that I can afford to spend on learning this business properly, and evaluating trades daily, etc.?

  3. Do I have the right education, and if not, can I pay for it?

If the answer to the above is no, which it is for me, then I see very little that could give me

a reasonable chance to make it work.

What are your thoughts?

Hi PMH!
A rather different type of post for a forex forum! :slight_smile:

I am sure everyone appreciates your openness and honesty in opening up here your thoughts, fears, limitations and ambitions.

This is clearly a critical and decisive time for you and your family right now and the important thing is that you resolve these issues to your joint satisfaction with your girlfriend.

Personally, I think the key issue here is that both time and money can only be spent once. They both have an opportunity cost, meaning that the [I]true [/I]cost of what you devote your time and money to is what you [I]could [/I]have spent them on instead but chose not to and which you are subsequently deprived of.

Regarding trading, maybe the key issue is why do you trade at all? Is it purely because of the opportunity to make enough money to justify the effort, or is the effort itself something that you are intrinsically interested in? In other words, are you more interested in the “end” or the “means”? If you are [I]only [/I]interested in the end result, i.e. the money, then you are running a serious risk of ultimate disappointment, bitterness at failing, and a resentment and regret for all the “wasted” time over so many years for nothing - [I]and the loss of what you could have been doing instead.
[/I]

On the other hand, if trading in itself interests you, regardless of the end result, then it is more like a hobby or interest for you in the same way as someone else plays golf, renovates old cars or spends hours over a collection of stamps. Hobbies rarely make money but are followed for other reasons. Similarly trading is a way of following global economics, politics, commerce, and many other side issues. It can also be linked to an interest in coding, mathematics, charting formulas and so on. If this is the case with your trading then you are unlikely to regret the time issue regardless of the eventual outcome.

However, life is full of compromises and none more important than those concerning our family relationships. When we share our world wth another person, and especially when we have taken on the responsibility of children, every aspect of our lives is up for discussion and every decision should be acceptable to all parties.

This means, as a trader, there has to be a joint acceptance of why you trade, a mutual acceptance of how much time can be devoted to it and how much money can be committed to it (as with any other purchase decision). Once (and if) you reach a decision regarding how much time you can give to trading then you can decide what route to then take. If a course study would be too demanding then drop it. If trading microlots mets your financial criteria then decide what trading approach and timeframe would fit best.

You have a particularly demanding life at present as a young father, but it will not always be quite so time consuming. So your trading commitments could be scaled back now with a view to extending in the future. But you also have a long time ahead with your family and career - not to mention a pension one distant day! :slight_smile: All these things need to be balanced and built into your life “strategy”. I am sure, if you are interested in the trading “means” and not just the “end”, that you can find a trading “strategy” that will fit both your time and money constraints at this stage in your life.

Just some thoughts…