Developing trading when others disapprove

Dear all,

I have been demo trading for nearly a year, and it has been an incredible learning curve…

What concerns me, however, is that my girlfriend finds it akin to gambling and she said

she never thought she would be with someone who has an interest in this…

I tried to explain that I will only go live if and when I see it fit, and that it is not an addiction…

I know that others among you have been in a similar situation… Has anyone given up their

trading ambition for similar reasons?

I am hoping that, if and when I will go live, the facts will speak for themselves and she may

be more comfortable with it…

I try to spend time doing this when she is not with me, not to hide it but so that it does not

feel like it is eating into our time together… However, now that it is the holidays I have been

more active in reasearch/development of my trading strategies while she has been out to

work, and I have been open to her about that… I try not to be selfish, but I feel that at this

point I really ought not to give up until I know more definitely whether I can go live, some

day, and make consistent profits.

My girlfriend is more important to me than trading, so obviously I would never like the latter

to get in the way. . .

Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you deal with it?

Cheers …

Dude, I’m lucky my wife is more than supportive and allowed me to invest a sizeable amount of money (to us) into trading after seeing how much effort I put in to trying to learn and understand. I don’t think trading around her in the long run will help.

Sit her down and show her how you trade and what goes into your analysis. She may then see the benefit and maybe even find an interest herself when she sees it is not just a “finger in the air” punt say like horse racing.

Keep a decent string of demo results too, but consistent. IE one year on the same account not curve balling your results to impress her as when you do go live and blow it she’ll be less than supportive and she may decide to blow the relationship!

Good luck.

Cheers Waterboy, that is good news for you and your wife … I think that she may never be completely comfortable with it regardless of how well I did by it… I am giving it another year before I can truly say yay or nay to trading Forex… At the end of the day, I want it to work for both of us :slight_smile:

I am also on demo trading and still have to go live in near future but my Brother always says this to me that I am wasting my time and this trading is ‘gambling’ and I will eventually blow my account one day. But I think positive and continue what I am doing. My wife has no interest whatsoever in my trading so I have no pressure to leave it. If your GF loves you then she have to understand that if you make money by Forex then its good for you both.

People who say trading is like gambling obviously do not know what they’re talking abt, although, there are people who do trade like gamblers i.e they hve no trading stratergy, no risk managemnet and no patience and discipline.

If you make use of all the above in your trading then you move away from being a gambler in the markets to being a proffesional trader who treats it like a business.

Its as simple as this.

Kashif and fxsyco, thanks for your contribution to the thread! I agree with everything you wrote… At the end of the day, I try not to shove my trading ambitions in front of her constantly in case I just cannot hack it and then it was all for nothing - there is that too , Like with any new venture, you can only be so sure, until you are at at least confident through objective data that backs your ambition! Cheers x

It is very important that someone you care about and love is there for you and supporting you 100% of what you do especially if this is what you really want to do for the rest of your life. Your GF is probably didn’t understand or didn’t see the big picture of what trading is. If you explain to her before maybe explain it again in away that she can understand like how currencies exchange rate works in different countries, etc. maybe try to get her involved when you do trade. If you use fundamental Analysis to trade and when the US non farm payroll is about to release or the Fed speaker Ben Bernake is about to speech
Then make her read, listen to the statement… Just an example…

Get her involved of what you do. Now if she sees that you are really passionate about this and you showed her that you can be successful doing it and because she is your GF and cared for you, she will support you… Try that and see what happen …

On the other side, if you tried everything you could with her and you still didn’t get the support that you needed from her and since you mention that she is more important to you than trading then it is time to cut the cord in trading and spend more time with her…

Just a thought… Good luck!

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Very well said.

This is why you are everybody’s favorite here :slight_smile: Very well explained.

Yes tell her that Forex is better than Stocks or Share trading where when you lose you are gone but here in Forex every day is a new day. Like Pipinroll said above you must try to tell her how Forex works and what are the pros and cons and how you are trading it. Like I said before that its in her interest that if you make money so just tell her that its good for both of you. Sorry, but I dont agree on giving up trading just because your GF is not comfortable. If you are good at it then you must continue trading. I believe there are many things which she do which you dont like but you somehow try and adjust to it so its just that one should try and understand the other partner’s feelings too.

At times you got to stop seeking anyone’s approval before doing new stuff. However if it goes wrong " told you so!" will be a common phrase. So play your cards right here and invest smartly.

Ha! Oh geez… I thought I make more enemies than like… Lol

I’ll take that as a compliment thanks! :slight_smile:

Dear PipNRoll, thank you for your words: it truly is a case of knowing that a part-time trading activities (which comes after other part-time activities) can become higher in my list of priorities… Until then, I myself have no wish to pursue it at a risk of obfuscating what my life is about: personal relationship, my musical/teaching career, and happiness. If Forex can fit into this as a pre-/after-work activity, so be it, although now that I am on holiday I am putting in extra time not so much trading but trying to narrow down a strategy of my own, that can work for me, using trends and Fibonacci levels and entry orders… AND better trade size management. . . In other words, I am scaling down on the live/market order and looking at entry orders… Of course, nobody has a crystal ball, so assuming that I will find a system that works consistently, and then assuming that it can fit around my professional and private life, and assuming that I will be well enough to continue doing all of the above, THEN it will be decision time (around September 2014) as to whether to go live. I am developing a trader’s patience and long-term view, so I am confident that I will become better at handling this aspect of my life, as much as handling my relationship with the one whom I love above all others.
Indeed, when you wrote about Bernanke… I smiled reading that, because I listened to his live press conference in June, and told my girlfriend all about it… She can see how passionate I am about this, and I try to make her appreciate how the currency market is in our lives in more ways than one…
Thank you for your words x

Hi “danyrexy”. Yes, you are right, there will be nay-sayers everywhere we go… We cannot please everyone at all times… My relationship with my GF has been 100% perfect for the three years that we have been together, so this first obstacle, small as it may seem, was, perhaps, what some people may call a reality check…that is, we cannot agree 100% about everything… I just hope that my Forex will become a minor form of investment beside cash sitting in a bank earning a pitiful 0.5%…:slight_smile:

Hello kashif, thank you again… Well, she does not really do anything that I do not like… But if she did do something that I was not comfortable with, and there were constant reminders of this, then I would find it hard not to say something… I am trying to put myself in her shoes, and think: what would I do if she took up an activity/hobby (e.g. rock climbing) that I thought would be endangering her in any way? Would I just say “yes” but think “oh my God, don’t do it”? Would I truly feel 100% comfortable with it just because she told me it was safe? Would I want to see her dangling from a high rock face or try not to think about it? I understand how difficult it is to deal with something that puts you on edge, when you want to wrap your loved one in a bubble…it’s because we all care so much for people we love… At the core of my situation is a feeling shared by all human beings, Forex or no Forex, and it is therefore what could be said to be a moral dilemma… x

Hello fxsyco… You are right… It is not gambling: it is something to be honed, with patience, an open mind, humbleness, learning, and patience… I am becoming more disciplined, I write a journal and review my trades, I am more objective about what I see (as opposed to what I WANT TO see) on the charts, and I know that all these elements are essential steps to trading… However, to the public at large, financial markets may be linked to unscrupulous risk-taking and the kind of attitude you may see in Scorsese’s latest film:

The Wolf of Wall Street trailer: Scorsese and DiCaprio reunite - video | Film |

So you can see how fears are stoked in the heart of people who have never dipped their toes into anything to do with charts :slight_smile:

Your Welcome. Glad I can help in some ways. Sometimes, when decision to be made like this, women tend to know that she is secure ( financially speaking). If she is not a type of women who doesn’t like " risky" business or career she will feel less secure so you have to " show" and assure her that it is ok to trade and you are not betting the “farm” when you trade. A consistent communication is key. Who knows maybe if she spark interest in trading then both of you do trade but for now just show her what you do…

My mom was a 2nd grade teacher long time ago so I know how it is to be a teacher…

I know uncle Ben Bernake makes me smile to when he speaks as long as he doesn’t wink his eyes… I’m all good Lol

Cheers men!
All the best

Thank you, DanyRexy… Now see what other people have to go through…it makes me feel better already:

Trading and Family Conflicts @ Forex Factory


Hey PipNRoll… Yes, if my GF were a currency, she would be the USD: fundamentally risk-averse…

See what this man is going through: Trading and Family Conflicts @ Forex Factory

Thankfully my girlfriend and I do not share finances, and although we opened a joint savings account today,
I have savings of my own, so there is no “farm” being invested in my future Forex trading - if and when it will come
to pass.

As for teaching, you will know how much more work it involves than your average day in the office…It sometimes continues back home, with marking, planning etc. :slight_smile:

Fundamentally risk-averse? Lol nice! with a little bit of technical too will help… oh and don’t make her confuse on “mechanical trading” just yet… she will go crazy lol. We needed more female traders so hopefully she would be interested…eventually…

Yea, I’ve read a few post of that link. I think he did make a great decision on leaving his family. You don’t need that kind of negativity around you. If you want to be successful in any businesses or career, stay away as far as you can with those negative people. They do that because either they don’t know (ignorant) or out of jealousy and they dont want him to be successful. I think it is more on jealouse side. It’s different if the guy doesn’t make money from trading but he does and he knows what he is doing… good for him.

Though, I feel bad about him having an ex-girlfriend wiping all his money/account from his other business. I am speechless. It clearly shows that all she want is his money. Maybe his ex GF never worked before and have never tried hard enough to be successful on her own that is why she is clueless about it shakes head… and only what she think about is the “instant gratification”. She won’t go that far ahead in life and she will go stupid and broke for the rest of her life. Hopefully, he will do a little better next time. It is good that you and your GF have a separate account thought if you are married to her then thats different.

Actually, my mom was my 2nd grade teacher…lol well it was acceptable where I grew up. I call her “mom” on recess then “teacher” in a classroom…It’s funny because I help her write a “lesson plan” because we don’t have a type writer or computer so we have to do it by hands. I also help her to write the report cards lol… fun times… It’s tiring though…

I am a online poker player and sports bettor who has left that world to trade. I’ve been married 3 times, (no kids with the first 2). I have been with my wife for just under 23 years, we have 3 children and she is my partner. We discuss and plan all business together even though most of our business is managed by one or the other. Strategy and planning is always together.

When we met in addition to poker and betting, I owned a financial services business. When I told her what I did, she was in shock and said she could never do anything like that; an income with no guaranteed pay check every week. . .that’s like gambling! So before I explained how I do what I do, I explained the difference between gambling and being a professional anything.

Gambling is anything you do without a plan. It’s where you take a chance not based on previously defined: rules, procedures, odds or when the balance of probabilities are on your side. Money wise the main difference between gambling and being a a professional is consistency; gamblers can only make money in the short run; pro’s make money over the long run.

Think about your trading for a sec; would you enter a trade without looking at the currency pair, fundamentals, bid/ask price, time of day, price action, indicators etc, because you got an email from a guy who turned $25 into $25,000 in 90 days trading forex and for only 1 easy payment of $100 he will show you his guarded, secret, never-before revelled program. Gamblers would and do. Gamblers are traders that don’t try to learn the basics of currency trading in the forex before they buy a signal services, take guru course or ask questions in the forum like “ how do I become a billionaire.

Being a pro at anything means anything you do that has a step by step plan. The plan has a beginning, middle and end. Each step is done with rules and procedures that are designed to put the balance of probabilities of success on your side. The plan has been worked with patience, discipline and consistency over a designated time . A bad poker player sits down plays his/her cards, loses and re deposits and re deposits without changing anything waiting for the one luckey time. The more they win the more they lose. A pro has notes, stats a plan based on previous success, only plays when the odds and the balance of probabilities are on his/her side. Gamblers don’t know that odds are calculated mathematically and confuse them with the balance of probabilities.

3 wives ago, my best friend who was married 5 times said don’t worry if she doesn’t go along, all women are like buses. . .there’s a new one coming a long every 15 minutes. He was right about the 15 minutes, what he was wrong about was all. Make sure your priorities are in the right order for you, easy to make money when you’re supported, harder when you’re not
Good Luck

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