Hi ria_rose, I am so sorry that your partner has experienced that and you have my sympathy (and empathy). This reminds me of a time when I was having difficulty running my scrap yard in the early 1980s and a bad actor legally stole a car from me and shipped it to Ireland. That single action tipped me over the edge and I went technically bankrupt to the tune of half a decent house, and took a decision to carry that debt over the next six years instead of declaring bankruptcy. Though the following six years were very difficult, and resulted in divorcing my wife because our belief systems had grown so far apart, I always say that I would never have it any other way. Because my life, from that experience onwards, took a big turn for the better and ten years later the past loss seemed insignificant in the greater order of things. When my new wife and I were married we had a very small wedding party with only close relatives, because we took the joint decision that for us, it was more important to build our business capital than to provide a free event for hundreds of “acquaintances”, and for what purpose? To show the world how we were happy to get into debt just to show we could afford a big wedding?
As harsh as this sounds, I have met far more poor people who are happier with their lives than rich people. Wealth is a mindset and when you strip out all the jiggery pokery of rocket science financial wizards, the words of a gifted 21 year old millionaire roofer I met at a management conference in the late 1980s always ring in my ears. When I asked him how had he accumulated over £1M by the age of 21, he said "I am in awe of all the really clever people at this conference, but it is very simple. At the end of a job, no matter how simple or complicated you always have to end up with more cash than when you started the job. I control the work of about 100 builders and I have 10 direct reports. I have 3 rules. 1 The guy who does the job gets paid more than the guy who manages him 2 My direct reports can not have more than 10 direct reports themself, and they can’t take more from the job than each of their reports do and 3 If any of our associates or their direct line managers has an accident they can no longer work for our organisation.
As Dushimes has advised, try to smile and look on this experience as a win, not as a loss. You and your partner need to learn lessons from this because it could turn out to be the cheapest lesson of your future lives. Do the lessons learned exercise. Talk about the need to make such important decisions together, not apart, and whatever the outcome, do not accept anyone who treats you not as an equal.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I am sending you a big dose of “glass half full” vibes. Please think on them for the next few days and have that difficult conversation with your partner, face to face, not via social media.
Thank you soooo much, jingoy! I really really appreciate the support you guys have been giving! It hasn’t been easy and I’ve been trying to get more jobs and side gigs to make up for what we have lost. It might have set us back when it comes to our wedding preparations but I’d like to think it’ll make us stronger once we fully recover.
Thank you so much, flamingo! I haven’t told our friends and families and tbh, I kinda don’t want to cause I’m sure it’ll be blown out of proportion. So this community is the only place where I can share all of these things. I’m very lucky that you’re all very supportive rather than demeaning. Definitely taught us both a lesson.
I’m not really sure about that route cause my boyfriend himself doesn’t really wanna talk about it anymore. He hasn’t given me a lot of the details and I doubt he’d give them to the police.
Thanks for this, peter! We’ve kinda given up on recovering the funds. And I’ve also had a couple of friends who’ve fallen victims to these refund and recovery scams so I’m also very cautious about those that offer this.
Thank you, froghunter! I’m sure it’s the fast money that got him. He got so excited when they returned his initial “investment” with Php 2,000 more that he thought it was legit. After all, Php 2,000 is also a pretty significant amount here.
Thank you soooo much for the kind and wise words, Mondeo. I really appreciate it! I truly admire you for overcoming the challenge you faced back at your scrap yard. It must have taken lots of guts and sacrifices to emerge from that and end up where you are today. What me and my fiance are going through is probably not as grave, but it did set us back when it comes to our wedding preparations. I really want to do it once so rather than forgoing everything, I’m trying to look for cheaper and more affordable suppliers. I know I’m very stubborn, and that I should just go for a super simple wedding. (And I might, eventually!) But I want to make sure I exhaust all the means (without incurring debt) before I give up completely.
Thank you so much! At this point, the difficult conversation I’ll have with him is about what we’re gonna have to do to make our wedding happen. We both might have to work multiple jobs to also save up for a small plot of land we were planning to buy in the beginning of the year.
You don’t have to talk about it to family and friends. It is your’s hard-earned cash, that things happen, and I am sorry that happened to you, but there is no time to give up, now is the time to get back your cash.
Sorry to hear about what happened to you. It would have been nice if he asked your opinion on this since you’re the one familiar with trading. Hopefully he learned something from what happened. Hoping you have better days ahead.
This right here. If I’ve learned anything over the years from reading stories about and even in this forum, is that if an opportunity comes about that sounds and smells too good to be true, it usually is. After your thorough due diligence, as hard as it is to give up this “opportunity”, run the other direction. Fast. Another opportunity will come around. Immediate returns, through a third party,
aren’t a thing.
And regarding your fiance being a smart guy, scammers have become more and more sophisticated in their methods. Crypto is inherently complex, at times, but this complexity let’s scammers shield their true motives behind tech jargon and financial wizardry. As someone else mentioned, when it comes to crypto, ALWAYS ALWAYS DYOR. Only invest or trade what you are absolutely ready to lose completely. I’ve had seasoned financial managers invested in various crypto markets get scammed by influential names and the next greatest thing. It can happen to anyone.
Now, I will say, quick paydays are possible, but they usually require an exceptionally deep knowledge and understanding of the crypto currency and underlying infrastructure being used, or exceptional timing and oversight, and with crypto, always some blind faith in the network/ broker/blockchain, which at times may be brand new.
Thank you soooo much Profesor! I’ve given up on trying to get back the money that my fiance lost, but I am trying to work as many jobs as possible to hopefully make up for it somehow. I appreciate the support and understanding!
I know. I know I’m not the most knowledgeable about crypto but I know a few things about it and I believe I would’ve been able to identify if it was a scam if he consulted me about it. Anyway, I didn’t want to keep on pressing the issue so I kinda avoice the topic already. If I ever get the chance to read his messages (LOL), I’ll give you more details!
Thanks Billy! Definitely agree. Sometimes it’s also the technical jargon that makes the whole scam very believable, especially for people who are just curious about it but haven’t really had the time to deep dive into it. Thanks for this though! This is definitely a learning opportunity for the both of us.
Hey, I’m so sorry for what happened to you!
Most of the stuff has already been said by people before me, especially that this is an opportunity for you two to learn your lesson and grow as a couple.
You can be better in the future, consulting each other, asking for advice and so on. Which means this is a lesson for communication and you saying you want to avoid the topic and him not talking about it and not showing the messages… I mean, I get it that men most of the time want to solve their own problems and maybe he is ashamed, but still this concernes both of you and there should be an honest and complete conversation possible between the two of you.
I really really appreciate the support you guys have been giving! It hasn’t been easy and I’ve been trying to get more jobs and side gigs to make up for what we have lost. 
It might have set us back when it comes to our wedding preparations but I’d like to think it’ll make us stronger once we fully recover. 
He hasn’t given me a lot of the details and I doubt he’d give them to the police. 
At this point, the difficult conversation I’ll have with him is about what we’re gonna have to do to make our wedding happen. 