The confessions of a trader.. My Rise and Fall

Trading Discussion
1

My Rise and Fall… And Rise again

Hi all,

I thought I’ll share my story with traders young and old, newbies and pros. I’ve been trading just over 4 years. I used to come to this site and it helped me a lot, I used to test myself on the knowledge and see how I did. Since then I read many books, went on seminar and read countless websites and forums.

I learned about fundamentals, I learned about technical analysis, market sentiments, equities, stocks and shares… I learned the market or so it seemed…
After about 6-7 months I started trading with demo money and was successful.

I didn’t trade demo money for long because I thought why waste time when I can do this? I had most of the knowledge I needed, I was following market commentaries and keeping up with news. So I started with real money.

I was in a 5 yr relationship at the time, had a good life and supportive friends and family.
I thought I had it all, I thought I will make a killing trading so I started with a few hundred pounds. I made good trades and increased my investment 3-4 times but in the end I ended up giving it all back to the market. And more. and more. and more.

I continued like this for the next few months. Each time I’d put just few hundred more into the account. And each time I’d lose it again in the same way. I’d always made profits but I just couldn’t keep them. I refused to give up, to surrender, to let the ‘market win’…

The nature of the markets made it easy not to have to confront anything. Because the next trade always had the possibility of being the one, saving me making me whole again. And those losing trades I kept ignoring and hoping they will come back up? Well you know they do right, they do come back up? Yes, sometimes…
But usually it’s too late, when you leave the trade unmanaged you have failed. I left many like that, hoping and wishing they will be my friends again, wishing they would come to me and love me again…

The hardest thing was always giving my profits back to markets. I’d be successful at first, I’d make profits and make and make them. Until just 1 or 2 trades would be my downfall.

Still, this was not my fault. I mean, how dare the markets behave like this?? Have they no understanding of how I felt? Surely my reasoning made sense, it Was common sense! Why did the market ignore me, ignored my expectations yet again??? And not only that, guys listen to this, the market lol, actually did something so unexpected to what I was expecting and completely opposite of what I thought! I thought oh no you wont. You will not make a fool out of me!
So I fought the markets for a while with an energy, zeal and passion I never thought I had. It was a full out war between me and the *****. Ah the good old days of war… Ohh had I known then what I know know my friends…

Anyway months went by so did my savings. I was hiding from my girlfriend, from anyone that I was financially nearly in red. I was still very passionate about trading because the next trade will make it right… And then just one more trade after that, one big one and I will be aright again. I talked to everyone who would listen about trading and how exciting it was, the possibilities it presented, how much i enjoyed it etc.
I just loved it despite my losses.
One day a very good friend of mine, who had some spare cash available to invest, suggested that I trade for him and he would pay me commission.

I’ve got to go to bed, tired but will continue the story…

2

It sounds like you are addicted to trading as a form of gambling, and should perhaps seek professional help.

3

LOL, you haven’t let him finish yet…

4

Oops maybe he sees the light in part 2 :smiley: Let’s hope.

6

You should keep with the story … New traders as me could benefices from your story

7

Raguza, thanks for your honesty and humility. I do hope you continue with the story I’m sure there is alot to be learnt.

8

Hopefully he’s not another Grandpa bigwal…

http://forums.babypips.com/forextown/33047-guess-has-been-3-years-since-i-learnt-forex-here.html

and dies in mid story…I just hate it when that happens…lol

:rolleyes:

9

SweetPip LOL thank you you’ve made me laugh so much :slight_smile:

I’m not that old yet (I’ve put a pic on profile to prove it!) although getting on I’m 33 now :o and still alive… lol

On with the story then…
Let me worn you I do go on a bit so apologies beforehand but I just have to get this out.

So I started to trade for my friend and we were both very excited. I made sure I prepared mentally (or I thought I did). As usual trading went well and every week I made nice return for him and a good commission for myself. By this stage my knowledge of the markets was very good but perhaps more importantly I discovered that I had good instincts, could analyse and gauge market sentiment pretty well. In terms of technical analysis I had long decided that less is more, you pick an indicator that suits your style of trading and along with support and resistance your arsenal is as good as it gets. Markets are nothing more that human beings buying and selling to each other when it comes down to basics. My profit is your loss. Your profit is my loss.
[I]Knowing thyself[/I] my friends is the key. More on that later…

So what went wrong?
I was well prepared as you could see, things were looking up. And then I started the same old pattern of giving it back to the market. By the time I lost more than half of the account, i was more stubborn and in denial then ever. I started to have trades that I wasn’t managing properly. It was a vicious circle, the more I tried, actually the more I [I]hoped[/I] my positions would come back up, the worse it got. At one point when markets offered me 20-30 pips I wouldn’t even take it! Why should I when I was down 100+ pips?
The markets seemed never or mostly never, to validate what I wanted or hoped for. Yet I continued trying to control the market events by thinking that my perception of what will happen next had to be correct. The funny thing is it usually was only not at the moment I wanted it to be. Firmly and inflexibly I held on to those expectations… Not realizing what damage I was creating not only to our account but psychologically.
This I didn’t realize until much later on, until 3rd part of this story.

Our trading account was slowly but surely deflating like a balloon, further and further away it went outside of my control, out of my reach.
And then one fine sunny day I lost what was left in the account in a single trade. I was in a complete state of shock and wondered how did things get so bad? What do I do now, how do I tell him what had happened?? How can I even face him again!

But face him I must even though I wished the ground would just open up and swallow me whole. I phoned him that night and told him what had happened and that everything was gone. I won’t bore you with details here guys but needless to say our friendship was never the same again.
After this my relationship with my girlfriend started to go south and shortly afterwards we split up. Not only because of trading but it was a big part.

I stopped trading for a while, but not for long enough. As you will discover from part 3 of my story. I think I’ll be able to tell the story in 4 parts but for now guys, I had enough I can’t write anymore tonight and I’m sure you’ve had enough of listening to me too!

10

Really interesting story. It’s great that you share your experience with us, can’t wait for parts 3 and 4.

11

Raguza, where do you live, the times when you are going to be seem like you are in Europe somewhere?

I can’t wait for parts 3 and 4, sounds like my story but with more drama (there is a happy ending, I hope?).:confused:

13

Hi romad7,

I live in UK hence the time difference…

14

wow crazy story and entralling! may i ask but when looking back at your trades was it a case of your system didn’t simply work or that you just didn;t follow it properly?

This question also goes to anyone else, is it not a case that if you back track on a system and it turns out that your system was incorrect that you refine it, change or even stop? But if it turns out the system was correct but u just failed to follow it correctly (due to ‘human nature’, traders mistakes) then you know you onto a winner and carry on???

16

I know that in my own failures in trading, the fault could be placed in both my own personality flaws and trading techniques. But in reality while I did not have a fully refined and effective strategy it was my own personal mistakes that were my downfall. Even an ok strategy can be used by a great trader to make money but the best strategy in the hands of an immature trader probably won’t be enough to save that person from their own weaknesses. This is why robots don’t work, eventually their lack of proper market sense and maturity will be their downfall.

18

Guys sorry for not indulging in replays to your questions, but I just want to get the story out and then I hope we can continue discussions which will help other traders.

For those that are avoiding reading my story I have one thing to say: that’s fine but just make sure it’s not because you are hiding things. What I mean is that regardless how hard we try to hide whats going on from others, we cannot hide the [I]results[/I] from ourselves.

So part 3…

I’ve long been aware that I had a strong self destruction streak in me.
Obviously subconsciously it was stronger than I thought. At that point of my life how else could I explain what was to happen next?
After splitting from my girlfriend things just got worse and worse and I ended up moving back to my dads house. During this time I haven’t traded for a while but I just wanted to get back into the game. I didn’t have any more funds to trade with but I wanted badly to get in the market and reverse my poor fortunes. My dad and my brother knew I traded for my friend before but they didn’t know that I lost. I never told anyone. How could I tell anyone when, at that stage, I couldn’t and didn’t even admit it to myself.

One thing lead to another and after a while I started trading again. This time for my brother and my dad, for their money. Let me say that the amounts I’m talking about are not the point of the story. They weren’t life threatening amounts but they weren’t small change neither.
I promised myself that this second time I would not fail, I just couldn’t - the consequences would be unbearable on all of us. Because I thought along those lines, this in turn made me believe that this time round it would be different, this time I will be happy because I will make all of it back and more.
I still held on to the belief that I could trade my way out.
Force, violence, or even torture will
not cause you or anyone else to give up your beliefs if you don’t want to.
[I]Having Beliefs[/I], in trading is a dangerous thing my friends. Unless you can change your way of thinking, adapt and be flexible to this new environment called the ‘market’. [B]Market begins and ends with us[/B]
i.e. I decide when to enter, for how long and when to close.
Markets have no structure, but guess what? We as humans are used to and mostly have to live according to some kind of rules and structures.

Sorry for babbling on these are just some things that I wanted to talk about later on. Anyway you have all probably guessed by now how my second trading endeavour went.
That’s right. Same as the first.
Now, I could probably write a book just on this second failure, about the psychological, financial and personal consequences. Maybe I should, Im sure it would be good and helpful for others.

However I’ll not go into details now but I will say this. It forced me to look at my whole life. It has forced me to ask fundamental questions such as who am I, where do I come from?
Remember friends, I mentioned in the beginning that the key to trading starts with [B]Know Thyself[/B].
From there your journey starts and further develops.
The more I searched, read and learned and as a result of my own experiences I have understood, that trading is 25% fundamental and technical skill and 75% psychological.

So I leave you with this. End of part 3. What I have to say in part 4 will hopefully evolve into us discussing stuff further. Also I will get more involved then, in answering posts and most importantly, (the reason I decided to share my story) to help others.
To help others we help ourselves and the more you give the more you will receive.

21

WOW WOW WOW …It takes big balls to talk about your looses and not your wins . Im not sure how your story ends but I can see you came a better person

22

One of the most interesting threads i’ve seen on BP in the last few years for sure.

Your story confirms a belief I’ve been trying to get through my thick skull for a few years now, that trading successfully is about how to take a loss and keep your cool. The illusion is that you feel you must “figure out how to win”, but it’s such a small part of the equation in reality.

I’ve got lots to say too but I’ll wait till “part 4” comes out, I’m on the edge of my seat for sure :smiley:

24

hi raguza,
I have read 3 parts of your story and what I want to say

It seems as you have(had) two problems:
first is you were overtraded.
second you want more then the market can offer to you.

I was overtrading too when I’ve started trade like about 6 month ago or so.
I have lost some money but I had the picture how the price behaves.
i was continue losing money until one very smart and experienced person said OK, this time let’s trade the right way

I am not going to put in trade more that I can afford to loss and made a sad story of it.

I like success and successful stories.
Take care.

PS

I have one rule its may not suitable for any trader
this rule is my main SL is remaining balance I allow myself to keep in the account with the broker when the balance exceed then I reduce the amount :slight_smile:

25

Fair play for having the balls to come on here and tell us your story. Cant wait to hear the last part. I’m hoping for a happy ending. :slight_smile:

26

Great story raguza, you have realized your errors and that in itself is a turning point. Im still new to forex, but if theres one thing I know its that you can never satisfy greed, greed will trick you, and greed will consume you, so I will never be greedy ( i hope).

28

Hi Renala

Everyone likes success. No trader starts trading thinking he will be a failure.
You are right I overtraded at times, other times I was greedy. I made number of other mistakes along the way.
All those mistakes are mostly Psychological in nature though. That is the point I am trying to make.
All traders big and small have and keep making mistakes but they do not admit it even to them selves.
I do not look at trading the way I used to, i.e. short term profit, what can I gain, how much is possible etc.
Trading like any other skill takes long time to develop and practice successfully. Even longer to develop and achieve psychological/mental state needed to be a success.