Two forex traders and a chimpanzee walk into a bar

The Lobby
1

Oh, wait, you’ve heard that one already.

Okay, how about this one…

Two women are walking down Wall Street in Lower Manhattan, when they come upon an ugly frog sitting on the curb.

The frog says, “Excuse me, ladies, could you help me, please? I was a big-shot currency trader at that bank across the street, until an evil witch cast a spell on me, and turned me into a frog. But, if one of you lovely ladies would kiss me, then I’ll be restored to my former self!”

Immediately, one of the women grabs the frog, tosses him into her purse, and snaps it shut. Her companion says, “What are you doing? He said if you kiss him, he’ll turn back into a currency trader!”

The first woman says, “Well, the way I see it, a currency trader isn’t worth nearly as much as a talking frog.”

Got any good jokes (especially good [I][B]forex[/B][/I] jokes)? — Share them here.

Make sure you keep them clean — otherwise, they’ll be deleted. And you might be deleted, as well.

2

Succesful traders does not exists, just a bunch of geeks that Chuck Norris allows to win.

3

LOL man, that’s a cool joke.

Did you made that one up? =)

5

lol! best forex joke yet

6

A trader named Ben retired from Wall Street and moved to Texas, where he bought a small ranch.

On a nearby ranch, Ben’s neighbor, Billy Bob, had a donkey for sale. Ben went to see the donkey, and decided to buy it for $100. Billy Bob promised to deliver the donkey in his truck the next day.

The following day, Billy Bob showed up at Ben’s ranch without the donkey.

Ben: Where’s my donkey?

Billy Bob: Bad news. The donkey died.

Ben: Well, dang! Okay, give me back my hundred dollars.

Billy Bob: Can’t do that. I spent the whole hundred in town last night.

Ben: Well then, bring the donkey here, and drop him off behind the barn.

Billy Bob: Whatcha gonna do with a dead donkey?

Ben: Don’t know yet.

About a week later, Billy Bob came by Ben’s place to see what Ben had done with the donkey.

Ben: I raffled him off.

Billy Bob: You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!

Ben: Well, maybe not, but you can raffle off a live donkey. I sold 500 Donkey Raffle Tickets for $2 apiece, and made a tidy profit.

Billy Bob: But, wasn’t folks mad when they found out the donkey was dead?

Ben: Yeah, one guy got mad — the guy who won the raffle. So, I gave him back his two dollars.

7

LOOL

This is a crazy one.

You can certainly make money with this idea lol

Seems like bucketshop philosophy

8

About three hours after the start of Happy Hour, a bond trader stumbles out of O’Reilly’s Bar,
and falls down on the sidewalk.

A woman coming down the sidewalk stops, takes a long, hard look at the hapless fellow and says,

“[B][I]You[/I][/B], sir, are drunk!”

Our intrepid trader looks equally long and hard at the snooty woman and says,

“And [B][I]you[/I][/B], madam, are ugly. But, when I wake up tomorrow, [B][I]I[/I][/B] will be sober.”

9

Not currency related but that reminds me of the lady who said to Winston Churchill " if I were married to you sir I would poison your tea" and he replied “if I were married to you madam, I would drink it”

10

what do you get when you put a bull and a bear both together in a rollercoaster? - The FX Market ha ha

11

You [I][B]can[/B][/I] take it with you. Or, maybe not…

A con-man named Bernie ran the biggest Ponzi scheme in the history of the world (well, not counting Social Security) — until he was caught.

Before the authorities came to arrest him and seize all his assets, Bernie managed to squirrel away some cash — three million dollars in U.S. hundred-dollar bills.

On his last day as a free man, Bernie called his best friend, his rabbi, and his attorney into his office, and handed each man a briefcase containing one million dollars. He gave them all the same instructions: to hold the cash for him, until his release from prison; or, if he died in prison, to place the cash in his coffin, and see to it that it was buried with him.

Bernie died in prison, and only three people attended his funeral — his best friend, his rabbi and his attorney.

After a brief funeral service, each man stuffed a large package into the coffin, and then they watched as the coffin was closed and sealed.

After the burial, the three men headed over to O’Reilly’s Bar, to send old Bernie off with a final toast.

After six or seven “final” toasts to Bernie, the rabbi lowered his voice, and said in a whisper,

“Gentlemen, I have a confession. The package I placed in Bernie’s coffin was empty. I gave Bernie’s million dollars to one hundred of his most desperate victims.”

Then, Bernie’s best friend spoke up and said,

“Well, since we’re confiding in one another, I have to confess that I gave Bernie’s million dollars to charity. The package I placed in the coffin was full of cut-up newspaper.”

Finally, the attorney said,

"You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Bernie intended to take that money with him — wherever he’s going — and the two of you should have honored his request.

“For my part, the package I placed in Bernie’s coffin contained my personal check for [I]the entire one million dollars.”[/I]

12

An aggressive, young tax attorney was running up the steps to the Court House, when he suddenly suffered a massive heart attack and died. Immediately, he found himself at the Gates of Heaven, staring into the smiling face of Saint Peter.

Before Saint Peter could escort him inside, the attorney began to protest that this all had to be a big mistake: “I’m too young to die! I’m only 32!”

Saint Peter agreed that 32 did, indeed, seem a bit young to die, and he offered to look into the young man’s case.

After a short time, Saint Peter returned to where the attorney was waiting, and he had under his arm a huge ledger book. He said to the young man, “I’m afraid the mistake must be yours, my son. We have checked our records, and according to the hours that you have billed to your clients, you have to be at least 89 years old.”

14

A currency trader, a circus clown, two blondes, a priest, a Buddhist monk, Ben Bernanke
and a chimpanzee walk into the Olde English Pub.

The bartender looks at them and says, “Is this a joke?”

15

lol =_=…

16

Dark humor, just my taste haha

17

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they’d do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper.
Alec ! yelled the teacher, you’ve done nothing.
Why?
Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do !

18

A trader is having a conversation with God.

[B]Trader:[/B] What is it like to be God? I mean, for example, what is a million years like to you?

[B]God:[/B] A million years is like one second to me.

[B]Trader:[/B] That’s amazing! So, what is a million dollars like to you?

[B]God:[/B] A million dollars is like one penny to me.

[B]Trader:[/B] Wow! May I have one of those pennies?

[B]God:[/B] Just a second…

19

What do you get when you put the bull and the bear is, along with a roller coaster

26

Nice… and throw on some turbo chargers on that rollercoast for the odds of the FX market.

27

A banker, a GM worker and an unemployed person are sitting around a plate of 12 biscuits. The banker stands up, pockets 11 biscuits and on the way out to his chauffeured Mercedes limo says:

“Mr. Goodnut, look out or that welfare scrounger will steal your biscuit”

28

The Forex market may be bad but last night I slept like a baby. I woke up every hour and cried.