[quote=“purtle, post:22, topic:152269”]
Got myself a Kindle sample of that one! Looks very interesting! And the fact that you said it changed your life… sold![/quote]
[quote=“Falstaff, post:22, topic:152269”]
As the maintenance period is waning, we tend to start to see a huge number of “faults” in our partner and grow over time to actively dislike them, often to the stage of “can’t stand to be near them” and “want a swap”.[/quote]
Thank you for your kind comments @purtle
In honesty, it’s good to see the comments from @Manxx and @peterma here. They and I are of a similar generation “pre-divorce” or almost so.
The time I spoke of as “you’ve made your bed - You must lie in it !” era. The fact is that after the descent in “love” from the “Maintenance period” to
If the couple persist for some time, the chart again turns upward and crosses the “X axis neutrality” into a stage of real Love and friendship - much as you might feel towards your children.
There is no doubt in my mind that both are giving their honest real experiences here. @Manxx in particular gives some of the underlying reasons why
could be the case - and if it is, then it can be cured with some help.
In mild forms the action Manxx suggests can probably be effective and certainly show an understanding attitude.
However, my experience was somewhat different.
My own “Life Script” was somewhat less benevolent than theirs and my own “games” whilst altruistic (as they appeared to me) - were in many ways self destructive !
I appeared to have a “5 year cycle” and I said "my life is not a Novel - it’s a series of short stories ! "
When on the Holiday I spoke of, I watched some boys diving into the sea off a high rock, whilst I lay on the beach with “my lady” and said “i’m gonna do that” - SO I swam over to them. The rock was high and the dive was steep. and as I stood there, I could hear my Dad saying to me in my head -
"You don’t have to do this ! - What if there is a rock just under the water and you hit it ? " - “Nobody is watching really - you don’t have to do this !”
After reading part of the book, I said (in my head - “Possibly dad - but I see no evidence of any such danger. - I give myself permission - to take that risk !”
You would not believe how proud of myself I was as I swam back with this new found power !
- and I was in my mid 40’s !
This stuff will help some more than others, but for anyone with young children to rear themselves - it is huge !
My thanks to all threeof you ( & @CoinLady ) for your contributions and I hope we have managed to help the lad towards a resolution between us.
I would really appreciate it if you could all take a look at this other thread
Which seems to be struggling a bit to “get off the ground” and have a stab at the "Why " of it please .