I was extremely close to my grandmother. She was my best friend, my confidant, my partner in crime. And last week, I lost her. It’s been extremely hard because I spent almost everyday of the past year with her. Thankfully, I’m starting to feel better now. I’m starting to come to terms with the reality that she’s in a better place now, and would no longer feel any pain or sickness.
Our last words to each other were, “I love you.” And I just hope that all of you guys also don’t miss out on any opportunity to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. I love you all.
I was at the funeral of a very close relative last Friday. We had seen him only a few weeks ago and laughed and joked about many things. Ten days later he was no longer with us. It was not the first time a loved one had passed on.
The immediate aftermath is a deep sadness, a vacuum, something we always took for granted suddenly is no longer there, a sense of helplessness that there is nothing that can be done, it just is.
But gradually we fill that void with memories of the person with whom we shared a part of our own lives. In this way we rebuild that person in our minds and they continue to exist alongside us as long as we are still on this side of that great division.
And as we build those memories we realise that ultimately what really matters in this life is who we spend our time with and how we spend it. Love is a truly powerful emotion that builds bonds that pass way over the boundaries between life and death. Death may separate but it can never break those bonds. And our own lives become richer as a result of it.
Death is a part of life. We move on but we never forget.
By Henry Scott Holland:
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
Over the past twenty years I have lost the majority of my close relatives due to illness or old age, including my dad. That loss it took me years to accept.
Grief is an odd thing, every person grieves in their own way, every person needs different time and different coping mechanisms to to get back to something that resembles normal everyday life after such a loss.
Take as long as you need to grieve and heal. Take good care of yourself and your loved ones that are still with you. The pain you feel will dull over time.
This is so beautiful, @anon46773462. Reading this made me sob a bit. Life is really very unpredictable. You never know when your time is up.
This is what I’ve been trying to do these past few days, and I have to say that it’s been very helpful. I used to think that remembering her would make me even more depressed, but looking back at the time we spent together actually gives me the feeling that she’ll never leave my side. Sure, there’ll be weak moments when I can’t help but tear up, but like you said, we move on, but we never forget. This way, she will always be by my side.
Super thank you Manxx! I’m sorry if I’ve been too sentimental. I’m trying to go back to being the cheerful and happy me.
I guess this is true. I got mad at one of our relatives because he kept drinking everyday, during the wake. It was kinda late when I realized that maybe, it’s his way of grieving. The pain is just too much to handle that he attempts to dull it down with alcohol.
But anyway, thank you so much @mlawson71! Like you said, I’ll really try to continue taking good care of myself and my loved ones. Take care of yourself too!
So guys! Super sorry for being sentimental and posting this here. You know I treat this community as my online family so I just felt like I needed to let you guys know why I haven’t been super active in the past week. Thank you so much to everyone who have expressed their concern and condolences. You guys are the best!
You don’t need to worry about me anymore. It’s tough. But, I’m getting better everyday. I just wish we all live our lives to the fullest and spend as much time as possible with the people we value the most. Today’s another day!
Just remember where she went you will go also someday, and where she’s at is a million times better than where you’ll at in the present, there’s joy awaiting you be patient…God is Good
Different people have different coping mechanisms, sometimes those coping mechanisms are not necessarily healthy. I hope your relative is feeling a little better now. You too, for that matter.
Yes! This is what I keep reminding myself. Another angel’s been called home, and I just hope that I live a good life to be worthy to be with her again someday.
I’d like to think we’re both doing better. Like I said, there are still weak moments when you can’t help but miss her since it’s only been a week. But like what you guys have also mentioned, I just believe that eventually, time will heal the pain and longing. I’m sure she hates seeing us like this so I’ll also try to be happier for her!
There are lots of ways of grieving @ria_rose. One thing nobody tells us is that the second stage of grief is ANGER - It can be vey destructive to families when everyone is grieving and getting angru with each other. We lost my mother about six weeks ago and it has been quite difficult realising that everyone is angry at the same time - with nowhere “real” to direct that anger !
Just something to watch out for and try to make allowances for.
That’s just the natural process of grief, it’s not a weakness. Don’t blame yourself for those moments. Acknowledging them and accepting them is how we heal, eventually.
My dad passed way over a decade ago and I still have those experiences from time to time. They are fewer and farther between than they used to be, but they do happen.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother, @Falstaff! I hope everyone in your family is now doing better. Thank you for being here for me and sharing your wise words. I wish I was also there for you during the challenging times.
I think this will be the case for me. It’s been almost 2 weeks since I lost her, but I still find myself crying my eyes out from time to time. I just miss her so much. But, thanks for sharing this! I really appreciate everyone’s concern. This really feels like a second home.
It is really hard to overcome any loss in life and losing a person whom you love is the most hard thing in life. If you are going through this situation then you must have to remeber that person and do something good for him/her in his/her absense. It will make you feel better!
I feel sooo much better now and this is really what I plan to do. I feel like my grandma’s guiding me in all my steps and decisions so I’ll really try to give it my all to make her proud. I’ll also devote my time to take care of the other members of my family.
It is not easy to cope after losing a loved one. The worst thing about is that you get so many fake sympathies. The dangerous thing is if you keep on remember their memories. You need to have support from someone. They can be your friends, family or a professional consultant.
Life is really very unpredictable. You never know when your time is up. 
I used to think that remembering her would make me even more depressed, but looking back at the time we spent together actually gives me the feeling that she’ll never leave my side. 
I’m trying to go back to being the cheerful and happy me.
I got mad at one of our relatives because he kept drinking everyday, during the wake. It was kinda late when I realized that maybe, it’s his way of grieving. The pain is just too much to handle that he attempts to dull it down with alcohol. 
Take care of yourself too!
