I havent read the rest of this thread so maybe what im about to say has already been said.
But first off go back to demo and stay there - for the forseeable.
You cannot be a good trader if you think u are a bad trader, aint gonna happen.
Or as einstein said - you cant solve a problem from being on the same level as the problem.
If you trade on demo, until without a shadow of a doubt you have developed the mindset of a winning trader you will come out the other side.
That may take a long time, but the patience you show will pay 100 fold.
I am aware that trading on demo for so long is a tall order, because you have got skin in the game.
But that is what a winner would do.
If you treat this as a long term life changing project you can do it, - your small failings at trading so far, are quite small, you should count yourself lucky your tuition fee has been some both in terms of money and time.
Its also quite possible your heart really isnt into trading, which is fine, but really anyone who wants to succeed at this will put in graft and grunt work to succeed.
Motivation is overrated, dragging yourself to the screen each day to backtest, trade on demo while developing pattern recognition skills is what will make you a winner, maybe even a market wizard